5 Ekim 2009 Pazartesi

strade di italia con la mia mamma, fu incredibile





io so , long time i didn't write.
trying to forget my italy and getting use to my home, istanbul. but i randomly looked at my pictures and wanted to remember the 10 day vacation with my mom, on italy roads.

10 Ağustos 2009 Pazartesi

che era tempo per andare su strada


it was time to go to amsterdam that we planned weeks before going to italy. we were gona be 5 girls alone in amsterdam,going crazy. I wasn't aware of it yet. everything went so fast, i was in milan, just rented an apartment, trying to speak with people, meeting people, going to italian classes and now i had to go to holland, alone without knowing anything. well , i said ' till the road goes' and it did.
I missed my early 7 am flight,got angry to myself for sleeping a lot (not that much angry to change it thou),and waited in the airport for 10 hours for the next flight at 6 pm. when i arrived i was exhausted. because i had to wait for the train there for 2 hours more. and the girls for 30 more minutes. I was going crazy. then the girls came and hug me! i was worth it when i think! one of my best 3 days in my life ever!

the first nite. we weren't actually aware of whats going on, and girls naked showing themselves to us from the display window. we though that was humiliating women. and ironic part was women doing it with this pride they have on their faces. so it was kinda shocking moments we lived there. but you overcome it quickly thanks to the disregard behaviour of humans' and being able to forget it when there is lots of things going on. 

so we were out ready to get high, we went to a coffee shop knowing nothing. got a pot, smoking. it is legal. and i think this how it should be! when it's illegal there happens an unnecessary attraction towards the banned thing and humans weakly can not resist it. so then the unnecessary attraction leads you use it illegally, hiding, without experience, unconsciously using and thus leading to do more stupid and illegal things.

anyhoo, after smoking girls went to hostel. me n gizem wanted to explore. (btw, i fed a swan. it was beautiful and i almost feel in the river.) so we started walking and looking at the shops. those shops were shocking and a bit scary. I said that whole 3 days 'seriously guys, traveling wides your vision'. It did. It had permanent effects on my 'sex n drug' visions. I learned some things i never heard before. my sentences started to begin with 'wha, how?' all the time.

for now i want to shut up and let the pictures talk by themselves.

                                            denial..






                             yep thats my name.
                             a lot of green stuff!

 with the turk we knew there. His name was Serkan and he helped us a lot=) we tried spacecake. it was just like a regular cake. no difference. then in an hour you start to get high. they say its heavy but i think it depends on the habit of body. we went to h&m no one knows why, no one remembers but it was pure girl desires manifest for 'shopping'

                                   then we started to fly...

                      then we found us hugging the snowman? wha?
                      we needed to spread our love somehow..
              there was..  no gravity.

                no! this is day time. its just the way we are. 






                 some professional pictures by pelin kilic. and the best is to have a friend who is a proffessional photographer. we were so lucky to have pelin with us!

                                             visions...
                                             denials
they wanted to skip van gogh museum and jumped instead. we were jealous later.the last day we searched for photography museum, and learned later that it was closed that day. shit happens. i remember it was freezing! damn it was so freakin' cold. 



near that 'I amsterdam' thare was a skate ring.and there was a legendary boy that entertain us like an hour. He was a little ginger boy, who tries to skate but in a very very funny way.
                                         the candy shop!
 our last day we tried mushroom. well you have to buy it from a smart shop. It was sold under treatment. that was funny. we decided to try in the hostel, which was really really logical. Pelin and Hilal didn't tried to keep an eye on us. thanks guys. Well as i remember, I saw a pillow breathing, head of the bed (which is iron) melting and me going in it, and my arm leaving me. that was the scary part of all. i was crying and shouting 'my arm is gone,my arm is gone' and ipek was jumping,and saying that everywhere is shaking. my experience about the mushroom is that it creates an unbelievable imagination. it opens your eyes and provides you to create and see really original masterpieces around you which in day time we ignore to see. When I think, I can undertand why all the masters of art, musicians and people who creates use drugs. I'm not saying its the right thing to do, but its the easiest and quickest way to create,have a weird vision. Does it worth your life to create a masterpiece? I leave it to you...

As I said, it was my best 3 day vacation in my life. and me and girls are planing another one to another place in the world.  We'll see about that!

abbiamo trovato la casa che mi rammarico

then me and mom found my apartment at via casale/3.


my dirty,gangsta looking street.

It was a coincidence, and i considered myself really lucky finding it. the location was good, the apartment was good, the rent was good and the landlord was really cute.so i thought damn I'm lucky!
I was gona live here for at least 6 months ( turn out 7) and I was gonna discover lots of things here!
I was gona be really sad living there on a normal day time and i was gona be really happy returning home early in the morning (it was really easy to return home when you are drunk, broke and tired since it was just 10 min. walking away from the center)


this was my lovely landlord. old man renting his house triple amount,earning from poor students,still he was nice.
I don't want to mention my housemate quarter. One became my favorite italian friend (giulia) and one made me realize there are evil people in this world.
when I think, this house was like a wonderland. it had everything inside. amazing things and evil things. Big experience, living with other people,trying to understand human behaviours and seeing other ( completely different from mine) lives.


the first nite I moved to my half room. I was a mess. with dust and a small working italian tv. more like a cheap hostel room. if you divide into 30 days it becomes a cheap italian hostel. 14 euro a nite:)


my first morning taken by my mom. waking me up and screaming "smile"
oo i hated then, now i think I love it.
thanks mom for being annoying sometimes but knowing that I'll like it in the future.


this is the room after going to ikea for several times, settling down and putting the cards that i always collect from the places I visited on my wall.

so this was my home in milan.I can not jugde it with only one sentence.
still i liked it, but i liked everything (seriously everything) about my exchange.

qui è un po 'di musica

this is one of the songs i use to listen in milan


7 Ağustos 2009 Cuma

il mio primi giorni in milano



the first nite at duomo with my mom. We were soo excited=)




yep. I was about to find my home while walking and lookin' for rented places. navigli (even thou it was empty in the winter-january) was beautiful!



then we got hungry. (did you notice italians can't say hungry,instead they say angry=)
top of rinascente we discovered a sushi bar. sushi's are made and put'em in a plate that has different side colors. Then each color has its own price. so you choose the color and the price that you want at the same time.
WHAT A GREAT IDEA.





"my sushi" YUMMY



yep. blue was the cheapest, but still its was good!=)


so my first days were with my crazy mom,and sushi..

3 Ağustos 2009 Pazartesi

e io grido, quando io non sono pronto a lasciare che si

yep home again.
I'm about to loose my one without understanding anything.
he is slipping away. i can not see where i did wrong. but he is going this time for sure.
i feel the blues.
i gave away a lot, shared a love, shared distance.
and now I'm home and he finally gave up on me.
sad really sad night.

2 Ağustos 2009 Pazar

il mio piccolo 'sucka' sta andando via




non si preoccupi.
tutto sarà bello!

sogni che si avverano



it was dreams coming true at sistine chapel,vatican city in rome.
it was my reason for chosing italy.
and did happen. when you want something with your pure heart, universe does it for you!

il mio cuore resta a milano



my first moments in duomo, january 21



my last moments in duomo, july 22




the funny thing is me wanting to write about my exchange when i return my home. yes i returned. HOME.
Istanbul.
yes 10 times bigger than milan, 10 times more fun than milan, 10 times more diverse than milan
but still after 10 days, my heart belongs to milan. nowadays trying to replace my heart where it belongs.
where I belong. Istanbul.
and I want to say that It was my best 7 months but I don't want to be ungrateful to the beautiful things i leaved here.
thou it replays in my mind when remainded. All the things I know about my life, about myself, all the stories in my mind is in milan.It was a mistake to let myself get attached to it. letting my heart fall in love.

now its time to fall in love with home. i never tried actually. but I will, this time more carefully, more aware and more appreciating.
Ezan is in my ears, how wonderful is that!

30 Haziran 2009 Salı

spaventato

I'm afraid to go back. Really...

12 Mayıs 2009 Salı